I feel so miserable right now. I feel drained both physically and emotionally. I ate myself into an oblivion today! Most of it cooked food. You know I went 2 whole months of eating 100% raw and NEVER cheating. Then one day I cheated and that was it. I try each day to start over only to fail by the end of the day.
I feel so alone in this. I know others want to do this, but like me they fail too. Why? Why is this so hard? I KNOW it is what is best, yet my addiction takes over me. When I am in control I feel on top of the world. I just want to crawl into my own little world and shut everyone out. I don't want to answer questions, I don't want to talk to ANYONE about how I eat, what I eat, or why I eat that way. I just want it to all go away. I don't want to be held accountable to anyone, including myself. Yet I feel let down by myself and those around me. I have to say that this is a foreign feeling for me. I am usually not one to let others affect me, but that is not the case right now.
I wish I never would have told anyone how I feel about health, nutrition, or alternative health. I feel so alone in my feelings. Yes, those around me agree with me and wish they could live what I preach, but nobody has the same passion I do. Do I even have the same passion I used to.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to sound so depressing. I just want everyone to know that I am human. I suffer from the same addictions, frustrations, emotions, and temptations that everyone else does. I am NOT perfect and I am ok with that. I just wish I had one like minded friend who could stick this out with me. I want someone to have this in common with. I WILL do it alone if I have to; I just don't want to.
I am going to take advantage of this blog to hold myself accountable. I'm not sure why I feel this is an appropriate place considering not many people read this. That being said, this is more for me then anyone else. I am going to recommit myself to 100% raw. This means NO popcorn, chips & salsa; PERIOD! No, I will not even eat these on occasion as I do believe that this is what made me fail. The nice thing is, I have an amazing husband and great friends. They may not be doing it with me, but they love and support me. They will encourage me without making me feel insecure, and they love me in spite of me always "starting over" again. I am grateful for a great support in that way.
That being said, tomorrow is day 1 of my 100% raw. I will record each day and I will be HONEST with this blog and with myself.
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Melissa - I think this is the nature of ANY change that we try to embrace. We start. We stop. We start again. We succeed for a bit. Then we fail. Then we try again. I don't think it matters if the change we are trying to embrace is one of eating better or cleaning the house or studying the scriptures. It's all a process and you are succeeding just by continuing! Falling off the wagon, so to speak, is not really failing, it's just a chance to examine and, either change, or recommit. Even though I am not in favor of going 100% raw, I can see the benefits of raw food and I find your blog inspiring!
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